i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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