UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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