me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
