How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
