this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
