a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
