i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
