this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
