At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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