I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
