PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
