That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
