sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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