I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Randomize
