Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
