you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
