Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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