Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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