i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
