I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
