I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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