I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Success! We fucked roommates!
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