I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
