I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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