Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
