I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
