Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I stole a fireplace last night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
