Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
