ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
