Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
