I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
