You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
