my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
