What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
