She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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