People in love make me want to vomit
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
