sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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