i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
