9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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