He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
