new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
