Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
