I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
