worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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