I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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