Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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