Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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