I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
