She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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