a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
