i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Pants are for mortals
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